Nothing Can Touch Us, We Stand As One

It's 03:26.
I'm sat in Hope's living room, next to Cai and across from Miss Hope.
We're watching Dylan Moran live. He is simply hilarious.
And we just remembered Hope shouting "You've removed my joy you drunken twit." That was a good night out.
More girly nights out are needed.
Really, really.
Fuck the people who make my friends sad.
I'm done with it. It infuriates me.
ARGH.
I've had a nice day.
I had work this morning, followed by town, followed by Cai, followed by Miss Hope, soon to be followed by sleep I am sure.

I have so many things running through my head right now, I cannot stand people hurting my best friends. And I just want to do something about it. But I can't. Wow. What an actual joke.
I'll find a way to make it better, I always do. It's my job and it's what I'm good at. I just wish I could do it now because I cannot stand seeing this continue.
Anyway, rant over.

Happyface. Miss Hope, Cai & Leonora. Perfect.
Ohh, and a helluva lot of tea. Yep. Countless mugs. Enough to fill my giant mug from my fairytale by far.
Anddd, I have continued planning my surprise. Ahhh, it's all coming together nicely.

Ahhh, I'm a good friend. HA, TO THOSE WHO ARE DESERVING.

"I dunno what anybody wants, I dunno what I want. Where's the cake. Cake is the language of love. I don't see any cake in the building." -Dylan Moran.

P.S. GROW UP.

My Name Is Casanova, I'm Basically A Man

Good morning.
I've got Gallows Orchastra of wolves stuck in my head at work. I'm worried I'm going to start singing it down the phone.
Wouldn't be best appropriate!!
But I adore it, particularly the derogatory lyrics haha.
I'm in a brutal mood right now.
A good one.
An amazing one.
I'm so happy, but feel like a complete twat today.
Don't annoy me, I'll enjoy making you feel small today.
I'm going into town after work.
Lush.
And I'm seeing Cai and then Hopeth.
Lalalala.

"I like to feed on broken hearts; there ain't no taste like lovers falling apart. If i offer to buy you a drink, trust me when i say it's non-alcoholic; you're no good to me if you can't even speak."

Her Eyes Were Blue & Green Like None I've Ever Seen

I've been working hard today, took lots of money and set up lots or DD's and generally just kicked ass at my job. It feels a whole new kind of satisfying.
I then came home and sulked for approximately 15 minutes because I was exhausted!!
Then I did the usual, everyday chores for example; unpacking the shopping. Yummy.
Then I got my stuff together and went to my gorgeous cousins house.
Gran had made us a yummy dinner and we all sat down and ate, and talked normal things, like a normal family.
And then we looked at lots of fun baby stuff. Excitedface.
We spent a good hour putting up a pram, trying out all the different functions, only to dismantle it and put it back in the big box.
I say we; I mean I, as my lovely cousin got confused.
Lucinda (babycat) was pretty scared of the pram.
I also got EXCITED about my bunny. I cannot wait to bring her home, I'm so excited.

Someone very dear to me has been messed around for the millionth time. Gah.
It sickens me.
It angers me.
I HATE IT.
I wish there was a way to make it clearer; but I can't.
Instead, I'll just be here for kisses and cuddles and make it all better. Well as much as I can anyway.

I have lots of things to look forward to.
Tomorrow is going to be good.
Sunday I'm going to do nothing all day and love it.
And then back to work on Monday. Let's see what next week will be like!

I've been listening to some beautiful music lately, I love it.
Mmmmm.
"Her eyes were like none he had seen, except for the girls in his dreams. And then he changed."

Goodnight lovely, beautiful people. I'm cuddled up in bed with the most gorgeous person in the world and we're going to watch a film. Perfect.
Happyface.

And I'm Seconds Away

I need to keep up with updating this. It was my new years resolution and I'm slacking. Not cool.
I've been planning a surprise for someone, and it's harder than I thought, but I literally ADORE a challenge, so bring it on. It's going to be amazing when it's all done.
Lalala.
I've had hardly any sleep lately, sounds about right for me. I'm doing fine with it.
I wanna hang out with Cai, Miss Hope and Nath again, that was such an amazing night.
I love it when you're such good friends with people that you can just talk crap all night and find it hilarious and just laugh until you cry.
I laughed until it hurt. Stayed up until I had to go to work. And didn't regret it one bit.
Amazing.
"Type in orphan".... "now cage!" "PUT THE ORPHAN IN THE CAGE"
Hahaha. You had to be there, it was hilarious.
I want to see Mark on Saturday.
And I want to see Jade and Katie this weekend. AND SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE.
There aren't enough hours, it sucks haha.
I want to see Cai, film night, yes please! Happyface.
I can't wait to go to spain now, I'm so so excited.
It's not long at all. But I do need to save money.
Ohhhh, and I'm going to stay with B when I get paid again, amazing. And we're gunna view our house. Perfect. Ahhhh.
I'm meeting lots of fun people lately. I can't wait to go out for Chlo's birthday.
I'm going to dress as Alice In Wonderland, or the Queen of Hearts. Yay.
I can't wait for the new Alice in wonderland movie.
I adore Tim Burton.
Wow, I', basically just talking rubbish today huh? Yep, looks that way.
Apologies.
Anyway, I'm going to go and watch The NeverEnding Story and love it.
I'm like a child. That's just fine.
I hardly use facebook anymore, so sorrry!! And I am clearly not going to use "formspring". If people want to bitch at me they can grow a pair and tell me to my face. Facebook is bad enough, let alone that.
Grow up people. Kay? Thanks.
Night night night.

Because Your Real Life Is Tragic

So many people are so tragic nowadays.
It genuinely makes me cringe to watch it.
I don't know how they endure it.
But, what do I know?
It's just laughable when people think I'm going to care or even pay attention. I'm so over it that I only even acknowledge such behaviour when my friends tell me about it.
Do you genuinely believe bitching about me will change who you are? What you've done with yourself? The past in general? Or the future in any positive manner? Just because you don't like the way things are nowadays... I mean, if you want things to get better; grow up, grow a pair and start saying what you really feel, not what you wish you felt, it might get you somewhere.
Pathetic. I suppose it's a good pass time none the less.



Laura and I are going out on the town tonight. Perfect, I love her so much, and a good girly night out is precisely what I need.
Ta-ra.

Point Made

Chlo Mabey.
More often please.



Enough said.

She reminded me I have some amazing friends who I need to see more.
Bryony, Hope, Laura, Rosie, Chlo, Lucy.

Today was amazing.
I'm annoyed my mood this evening has ruined it a bit.
Tomorrow will be different.

And She Loved Him In Those Times

One day there was a girl, who cried tears of pearls. And her eyes were blue and green; like none I've ever seen. And she met a man that night who filled her with delight. He spoke in poetry and rhyme and she loved him in those times. But, he, changed.
And then soon he became jealous of her beauty and fame.
He loved her away and he forced her to play songs that were blue, songs that were grey.
So then this lonely girl had had enough of her world. So she climbed to the top of the tallest tower and stood there for way over an hour, until she decided she'd jump, so she jumped with a very loud thump. And all of the neighbours they came out and cried when they discovered that this poor girl had died. And the boy he just stood there and gasped at this beauty asleep on the grass. Her eyes were like none he had seen; except for the girls in his dreams.
Then he changed. And then soon he became, depressed and very very strange. And he'd lock himself away for days and day and play songs that were blue and play songs that were grey and play songs that reminded him of that day.
One day there was a girl, who fell in love with a boy in a different world and she speaks to him at night, only in a certain light. She wore white when he wore black and they were like a perfect match. And though one was dead and one was alive, through many years their love did survive. Until, time faded and soon they became both exactly the same. And they both are floating in the sky. Singing their own lullaby; a song that reminds them of a past time, a song reminds them of a past day, a song that is blue and song that is great.

If I Can Have A Minute Please Then I'll Bring You To Your Knees

I had to get up at 5am this morning. How ridiculous.
And I didn't even have my thermos. It's at Miss Hope's house. Sadface.

I went to look around my uni's in Brighton today. Amazing. My decision has been made; Sussex University, Brighton, living with B, summer, being happy, being far away, PSYCHOLOGY, falling in love with a place all over again.

I cannot wait. I just want to go now. I am aware I say this daily now, but there's nothing keeping me here anymore. Obviously the few amazing people left in this County, but, they'll stay my friends wherever I am.
On my drive up there I was thinking about the people I would actually bother saying goodbye; and the people I thought would actually bother to say goodbye to me properly. And by this I do not mean over facebook or text. I mean coming to see me, or a phone call at least.
Honestly? I don't think many people would.
But I'll still bother with them; because they mean something to me. Or did once.
Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people I won't bother with at all. But then that probably means they never meant anything to me in the first place.
Ahhh. August 1st 2010. Bring it on.
Today I asked someone "important" if they would come and visit me "by the seaside" were my exact words I think; and her response was "ermm, well it's quite far away Leo."
Wow. Cheers. And this is someone that should bother to see me.
I didn't even ask because I wanted them to. Just because I knew this would be the answer. Or some other feeble excuse; but got to be honest, part of me was kind of hoping for an "of course I will" or something vaguely similar.
Oh well, it's the way it's always been. And it's not the end of the world.
After all, it's the students job to bother to come home, not vice versa.

Tomorrow is going to be a lush, stress free, take it as it comes kind of day.
I mean, it has some structure; this is me we're talking about after all.
Organisation freak.
But I'm looking forward to it. After such a mental day today. So much driving in one day.
But I'm glad to be in my bed to be honest.

Looks as though I'm off to Bristol next weekend, with Miss Hope and Laura; just to go out for the night. I'm very excited.
Oh yeah, not going to Brighton again next weekend now. Slight change of plan.
Sometimes I can be bad at sticking to plans.
I hate that.
But it's only because I like quadruple book everyday always. I fail.
I always want to see everyone and persuade myself I'll have time and just end up letting people down.
Or I'm just exhausted after work and fall asleep! This is an experience totally brand new to me. I've never been able to sleep.

I received really good post today.
Don't you adore that?
Yep, I do.
I got a letter from Lauren, my best friend from year 7 & 8 who moved to Canada. We've always stayed in touch, but not as well as we should have sometimes. But lately we decided so start writing to each other again. Love letter style. I love old fashioned traditions. I'm going to buy nice paper etc tomorrow and write back. How exciting.
I also got the film for my new vintage pink Polaroid camera which I ordered yesterday. The film cam quick. Don't want to wait for the camera now! Sadface.
And I got some more information from Sussex university. Ahhhhhhh.
I can't contain my excitement for all of these things.

I'm going to Spain stupidly soon.
Everything is booked.
Perfect.
Me, Miss Hope, Bry & Rosie.


Also, I am failing to control my desire for Travis Barker lately.
I need some eye candy around here of a similar style.
Where's all the talent at the moment?
Give me, tall, skinny, dark hair, tattoo's and piercings and I'm happy.
Oh and some maturity on the side.
Ta.
Yummy.

Well then, I guess this is goodbye for now.
Tomorrow can bring only good things.

"Did you honestly think that I'd forget your name? We are close to home and that's all we need. We've been driving this way for weeks now but things could be worse. Just remember not to be selfish, keep it calm. Don't believe a single word you ever heard about me, we'll still be driving this way now in weeks and there are cracks appearing that you will soon see. And don't believe a single word you heard about me. The temperature is rising, but its a shame about your heartbeat. And I'm not scared that this is happening. The conversation sparks without a single pulse but I can still see you. Just keep it slow, don't ever let him know, that even though, I actually meant something I wrote."

We've Just Been Getting By On Stupidly Good Looks

I've always had a really specific way of venting any stress or anger or even just something small praying on my mind.
I've done it since I was about 12 I think. But back then I didn't realise what I was doing I don't think. Not to my recollection anyway. As I grew up it became more obvious to me. But less so to everyone else.
That is a good thing. To me.
In some ways at least.
I remember the first time I ever even told anyone about it. It wasn't understood though.
Trying to care about me just led to empty promises which led to me breaking promises.
This is probably the only time I've broken a promise.
A promise means the world to me; don't make one if you can't keep it.
I had every intention of keeping it. It was just a hell of a lot harder than I even began to imagine.
And then the next person that cared enough forced me out of it. Successfully.
My gran always said I needed someone strong. I miss having someone that cared that much. Once.
Not that I like having my only way of expressing myself taken from me.
But it was knowing they were doing it simply because they loved me and cared.
People go from loving to hating me pretty rapidly; how is that possible? Thin line as they say. Well I don't hate anyone.
My mum says it's because people are jealous. I disagree. What's to be jealous of?
Mmm. Memories 'ey?

Anyway, don't know why that's been on my mind today. Weird.
I decided yesterday that I want to be healthier from now on. Even took blueberry's to work for breakfast this morning, and then my manager bought THOUSANDS of cakes of charity and put a massive bowl of crisps on my table. Backfire much? Ha(!)

Got some nice snaps from Bristol now!!



And I get more and more excited about moving to Brighton as every day goes by. I want it, right now. I don't want to wait. Generally I'm a really patient person, but not for this.
I'm going to Brighton tomorrow. Getting up bright and early, leaving here at 6am. Wow, that's commitment!!
I ordered my beautiful vintage pink Polaroid camera today and some films. I cannot wait for it to arrive.
I also, cannot wait to go to Spain. I found THE bikini that I must have this summer.
Everything is coming together quite nicely.

I've had something on my mind the last few days. It bothers me as I haven't thought about it for a while now. Over a month. And this was a good thing by all means. And now its like; REALLY? REALLY THOUGH? Urgh.
Don't you hate it when you know full well everything could have turned out differently if people just opened their eyes?
Never mind; it'll fade out again.
I've also been a little stressed about an ongoing problem in my life. It's always been there and will never leave, but I thought it was getting better, this has proven to be most incorrect.
It's a shame really.
But there's nothing I can do about it. Just let life takes its toll and look forward to moving as far away as possible.

I'm getting new photos for my photo wall printed too; not to worry, NONE will be coming down; everyone that is up there is or was there for a reason. I don't forget.
Nothing changes. Not to me.

Bring on tomorrow I say.

"it's far too much to take after it's come to this; I cant just turn back the page anymore and after everything that I have fought and tried and died not to be caught. I've never felt so alone just because you don't know, your not letting go but you still stop the beat in my chest and its something that I could have guessed but you still stop the beat in my chest and I'll be more than happy to take the rest"
More Deaf Havana please. All day, everyday.

Hold Me Down

You've got a lot to say for the one who walked away. I give you take, it's the way its always been. Oh how do I know if I should stay or just go? The bottom line, this way Ill never know. Stay with me. You got a lot to say for the one who pushed me away. I give you take somethings they never change. Just change. Stay with me. These things take time to grow. Its been said, time heals wounds. But no I wont be controlled and so the story goes; stay with me. Stay with me. I never knew that I could be this way. I never knew that I could walk away.

Ahh that song. Happyface.

I Know You'll Think Of Me

My valentines day was the best day this year maybe.
It was so much fun.
We woke up late, slowly got washed and dressed. Had Pop Tarts for breakfast, amazing and then mooched down to The Lanes in Bristol for the vintage fair.
I found the most gorgeous chunky cardigan, I love it. The stall owner said it was the nicest one shes ever had. Mmmm, amazing. And I found the cutest gold broach for £2!!! BARGIN. And I got an adorable silk scarf. And the nicest vintage bag, its cream with a gold clasp and gold chain strap.
All the girls said I was too good at finding the good stuff. I love it.
I wish I lived in Bristol just for the vintage fair. I adore it. Such good bargins as well.
I need to go back for it... like weekly!! Haha.
After that we went back to Rosies halls and got changed into French attire to do a photo shoot for Rose's fashion coursework. It was such a lush thing to do.
We went to "the christmas steps" which is this gorgeous little alley and took lots of photos.
Rose wanted us to be interacting rather than posing. It was fun.
Isn't it funny that when someones taking a photo of you and they say "look like you're talking" instead of actually just having a conversation, you pretend or talk about something totally made up? I love it, its bizarre.
Rosie and I tried to have a conversation about what we were gunna do that night but because we were grinning like idiots it just didn't happen.
We got a few odd looks and a lot of smiles from passers by.








After this we went home and chilled with a cheeky bit of Harry Potter, but if I'm honest, I had a little nap. Which apparently was SO CUTE that Rosie and Lucy felt it was essential to take a photo of me sleeping. Rapey much? Ha.
Then we got up, got ready and went out for our meal at The Slug and the Lettuce which was so nice. Seven beuatiful girls, together for the night.
Rosie, Lucy, Rose, Nadia, Emma, Alex and myself.
It was lovely.
We had a lot of good banter and pretty much enjoyed being happy single girls.
Then we went to a bar which was amazing, it was covered in awesome drawings which Lucy literally loved.
We had a couple of drinks there and then head home.
We were going to go out but we all felt the day was so lovely we'd just go chill and have a bit more of a social at home.
We put on some family guy when we got back and chatted until we fell asleep.
It was a prefect day.
Its hard to explain why.
Just one of those days where everything you feel is so lovely.
You feel happy, more than happy. Perfectly contented.

Rosie had to go to uni this morning which was lame. But she came back early and we went into Bristol for Burger King because she saw an ad for a deal she wanted. Yummy.
We "popped" into Urban Outfitters and I saw an Alice In Wonderland tee I pretty much needed, however I restrained. Job well done I feel.
I found an amazing book all about different era's of tattoos and stuff, it was amazing, I just sat there and chilled reading it!
Then we went to Burger King and I realised it was Half Term which I bitched about for a while ha! You don't get half term when you work full time.
Then we went into Primark so I could try and find a cheap skirt for work, however, I put on a size 8 and it fell to my ankles. Uncool. Better get buying some more BK I think.
The train home was ridiculous. We had to change at Taunton but our train was delayed so we were going to miss out second train. And then there were like a million people and only two carriages. Madness. Regardless we fought out way to a table seat, win.
Just as they got eveyrone on the train Lucy realised she left her handbag on the playform. I don't even know how it was possible. I freaked right out.
She ran off leaving me and all our stuff on the train, luckily the train man was nice and let her grab it and get back on!
Then we got to Taunton and luckily that train was delayed too, so when we got to the platform it had just arrived. Jumped on that one and annoyed everyone on the train. If you're gunna do it, at least do it well?
Mummy picked us up and I was weirdly happy to see her, I gave her a big cuddle and just talked crap the entire journey home.

Since being home I've not done much, just had a good old catch up with Hope and B to be honest. It's been nice.

However, something caused me to go on a right rage. It wasn't expected and my reaction wasn't exactly what I had in mind either, however, I'm going to make sure that by tomorrow I don't care.
I'm good at that.

And something ridiculous happened to my best friend about half an hour ago. WHAT A JOKE.

Don't waste your time.

A Tale Of Two Cities

Okay Ill try.
Give blood, make love and don't think twice.
Too many of us were just trying to get paid so, why not give blood make love and don't ask why, don't think twice.
Only bread and roses will you find on my table.
I've been watching you for too long and I can tell there's something wrong with you; so what you gunna do with all that cash?
It must get boring being so flash.
Why not give blood make love and don't think twice?
Too many men are just trying to get paper.
You don't need all the lines, and the spliff that you smoke from time to time.
You don't need all the lies and the rocks that you smoke from time to time.
That's why I say, why not give blood make love and don't think twice. Too many people are just trying to get paid.


Today we woke up, had breakfast, went out in Bristol, around loads of beautiful little vintage shops. It was so lush. I found a pair of amazing sunglasses that I might HAVE to get tomorrow.
We went for a drink where Rose works (one of Rosie's flat mates) and we also got some onion rings and cheesey chips. Then we went to @ BRISTOL. Oh my god, it was amazing, the best £4 I think I've ever spent haha. We went into the planetarium and looked at the stars; it actually gave me a numinous experience. Which is rare, it's hard to make me feel that strongly about anything. We messed about and played with all the different experiments. My favourite was the "freeze your shadow" experiment ha!! You're in a little white room and then press a button and it flashes and your shadow is imprinted on the white wall behind, it's so good. I don't understand how it works haha. We had a lot of fun, JUMPING and then looking at our shadows. We tried to take pictures but it didn't work. Sadface.
Then we walked home, it was dark when we came out and it was lush. There are trees with little lights all over them, it was so pretty. Just like the ladies who's company I am graced with.
I wish B was here, it feels weird not having her here.
And now, were making plasticine people and watching films.
Think we're going to make curry for dinner, yummy.

"I bruise easily" by Natasha Beddingfield just came on. I love this song, always did. I was singing it the other day. It's amazing.
It always reminds me of something I've always said about myself "I bruise easily, but bore easier." Very true, if you know how; the details of which I will never share, the vulnerability would ruin me. I am the strongest person I know, I don't want this to change. I haven't been hurt by anyone in years because I know how to play it. So yeah, you're gunna have to try harder than that.
PROUD OF IT.

Tonight is going to be lush, as is tomorrow.
Vintage fair tomorrow, excitinggggg!!

I'm going to make a plasticine owl for Miss Hope now. Ta-ra.

P.S. IM HAPPY.

Who's The Bitch Now? You're The Fucking Bitch

Breaking all rules here and writing about something I don't even give a fuck about but seriously some people need to GROW UP and get a fucking life. :)

I'm in Bristol with Rosie and Lucy and wish that Bry and Miss Hope were here. Sadface.
We're about to go out and hit the town. it's going to be SICK.

I dunno if Ill ever come home. Brighton next weekend and then again the weekend with Adam, lushies.
THEN SPAIN AHHHHHH!!!!

Goodbye, will try and update soon.
Ohhh also, someone RATHER yummy has just entered my life, more please!

Don't Bother Angel

I'm happy.
I made some decisions tonight.
They may not make some people happy, but they'll thank me in the long run. Trust me.
"This all was only wishful thinking. Don't bother trying to explain angel."
Lalala.
I saw Laura today, it was so amazing to see her because I love her so much and miss her everyday. And my bunny. She's going to be the most loved bunny in the entire world. Need to start thinking of amazing names.
And I saw Amy today which was lush. I love her a lot also and miss her always.
There are so many people I need to see more, these two being prime examples.
They're beautiful and funny and ahhhh, amazing.

I found "my" camera.



Yeps. This will be fun. First stop. Fun photo's with Amy "Lushy" Hardie. To make up for all the amazing photo's we DID NOT take today.

I've had a proper music day today. But not in a way where I shouldn't be approached like normal. More in a way where I just want to sing at everyone. Like, maybe I should just answer everything with lyrics? Ha.

I'm so excited about a lot of things. But also dreading a few.
I played bingo at work today. That's right, games at work. Win.

NO MORE HOSTILITY PLEASE. I DON'T DO MEAN. LALALALA.

Good. night. to. you.

I miss Miss Hope. Sadface.

You've Got A Lot To Say For The One That Walked Away

Evenin'

I had a good night with good friends. I'm lucky.
I love Miss Hope.
And we both agreed that we've learnt who our real friends are lately.
I'm fine with this.
After all, those who didn't make the cut didn't for a reason right? Right.

"So turn up the corners of your lips, part them and feel my fingertips. Trace the moment, fall forever. Defence is paper thin, one touch and I'll be into, deep now, forever swim against the current. Let me slip away. Vindicated, I am selfish I am wrong, swear I knew it all along."

At the moment I change my mind about everything 10 times a day at least. This makes me a horrible person. I dislike it. But I guess time will fix this.
Despite this, things are spot on.

Also, for those of you who do; stop listening to playground gossip; the fact you even begin to believe half of the stuff said proves that you're still stuck in an adolescent-highschool mindset. Grow up already. It was funny at first; now it's just boring.
Cheers then.



I'm doing a few things differently from now.
Somethings never change. Just change.
Oh, and don't think I'm changing for you, or because of this person or the other. Everything I do, I do for me.
I've had enough of people telling me what to do, making decisions for me and expecting me to do the nearby impossible. Not anymore. I'll never let anyone do that to me again. Once is enough, thanks though.
Here goes everything.

Miss Hope, B-ry, Rosie-Posie, LC, Reegirl, Chlo, Lu. My girlies.
DMT, Nath, Strength, Lew, Cai. The boys.
I haven't forgotten the rest; these are just the ones on my mind tonight.
If you're worth it then I'll prove it.

Lalala. Miss Hope & Leonora time. Ciao.

Just Learn To Forget About It

"and I never had a single cigarette that I didn't enjoy, and all the dreams, leave such a bitter taste, such a bitter taste on my tongue. Despite the smell of an old age man, I'm young at heart If I was to have just one more day, I'd make sure that I spent it without you."

I adore those lyrics. I don't even know why, they just cut right to the core of me. They are beautiful to me. Then again, I am pretty warped. All in all. I'm fine with that.


I am in love with Robert Sheehan. End of.
Tall.
Dark.
Handsome.
Yummy.
I feel he should be my boyfriend or something?

If only love was as simple as infatuation.

I'm eating Crunchy Nut Clusters in bed, without milk, out of a plastic Edd the Duck bowl. You know things are spot on when you can do this and not think twice about it.

I've had basically all my uni offers now; waiting on one, but all the others are unconditional, and the two I want to go to have already replied anyway, so, I feel pretty amazing. I know where I will be in 5/6 months and I cannot wait. Already got my house sorted and everything. Perfect.
Me and my best friend. Living together, in Brighton. Spot on.

I want to start a sport, or some kind of exercise, but I'm all out of ideas, it's lame. I miss riding. I want my pony back. Urgh. Sadface.
Something will come up I'm sure.

It's Miss Hope's birthday tomorrow; and we're going to the pub. After I've played boyfriend.
And I'm making sure that the best ones are there.


There is one thing I really want right now. A picture of me with all my best friends. It's a little much to ask, what with Rosie being in Bristol and not everyone knowing each other, but I feel tomorrow will be a good start. I won't take no for an answer.
And then I have Bristol to take snaps. And Spain. And my birthday. And lots of things.

I guess my birthday will be there real one. Because anyone who's worth it will be there. Regardless.

We're The Ones That Will Never Die

Hello all.
Today has been crazy.
I slept all day. Not cool. But it shows how tired I've been I guess.
Back to work tomorrow.
This morning I woke up in a weird mood, which then developed into a foul mood; typical.
Then I went downstairs in my jammies with my duvet and got on the sofa and watched TV with mum, until I fell asleep again. Which basically caused me to not go and see Dan or Laura which was lame. I literally just slept. But if sleep is what I need, sleep is what I get (ha).
I then decided I couldn't be bothered with all the adolescent drama that comes with most of the people around here. It could have been so easily avoided.
And I knew it at the time; the moment I chose the path I did all those months ago, I knew this would be the outcome, eventually.
I don't regret it, and at the time I obviously decided it would be worth it. But, wow, I can't stand it.
Never mind 'ey.
But yes, because of all this I decided I wanted to move to Brighton sooner then for uni, I wanted to go as soon as possible. I was all worked up, ready to ask for a transfer at work tomorrow. And I was planning on taking Miss Hope with me.
But then I spoke to a couple of amazing people (Dan, Nathan, Lewis and Perry) and I realised that it's already going to be impossible to leave them behind, let alone right now.
I don't even want to think about it. I love them all so much, as well as a few other beautiful people of course. I genuinely wish I could just buy a HUGE house in Brighton and we could all live there together and be happy. Away from Devon, and all the small-minded people that reside here.
Nathan said some of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me earlier. I nearly cried (ha! what a loser).
I'm really happy all over again now.
I'm looking forward to work tomorrow. I love my job, 90% of the people are absolutely amazing and I enjoy their company. I will ask my manager about a transfer, just incase. But right now I think I'd rather spend as much time with my friends here before I start my new life.
But I can't wait. I'm so excited. I'm so ready for it.
My Mummy has been funny tonight. She's just been saying all these stupidly nice things about me.
Everyone's been saying stupidly nice things about me today. I'm lucky. And I don't think I deserve it to be honest.
I miss Hope. It's really rubbish to be honest, I feel she should come home.

Anyway, enough of that.
Late shift at work tomorrow, then normal the rest of the week. Bristol this weekend, Friday-Monday and then day off Tuesday. And before I know it, it will be pay day and I can see all the beautiful people I've promised to see.
It's Miss Hope's birthday on Wednesday, I'm going over for dinner and to be here boyfriend.
Amazing.

I tried to be a good friend to people today, regardless of me speshing out for hours. That's one thing my Mummy can be good at, listening to me spesh out.
A lot of people fail to understand that I don't want them to give me advice or answers, because 99% of the time I already know them, I just need someone to rant at.

"I give myself very good advice, but very seldom follow it." - Alice In Wonderland.

Perry and I have been playing MSN games all night and I feel it's a pretty productive way to spend my Sunday night.

I don't know why I was freaking out so much this morning, I think it was just me being tired. I'm usually very rational. And I have very little to complain about. I mean sure, sometimes people will force their way into my life for a split second, and I'll think they're pathetic and I'll get angry, but then they're gone just as fast, so it doesn't matter.
I'm over it. So over all the adolescent drama and the playground gossip. I've never listened and never will, if others wish to that's fine. Because the people who matter know the truth, and that's what counts right?
Right.


Cool; time to go guys.
See you tomorrow.

Someone called me Princess today and meant it.

Oh and, I'm buying a Polaroid camera when I get paid. Win.

"You've got this new head filled up with smoke, I've got my veins all tangled close to the jukebox bars you frequent the safest place to hide. A long night spent with your most obvious weakness
You start shaking at the thought you are everything I want because you are everything I'm not.
And we lay we lay together just not too close, too close. How close is close enough?"

You Are Red, Violent Red

I wish I cared.
Even so; its all too much.
I want to go to Brighton now. I just want to move and be around new people.
There are a few amazing people around here, but seriously, I genuinely wonder when everyone else is going to grow up?
Never mind, it won't be my concern soon.
Good luck to you all.



Don't get me wrong, the things that I choose to include in my life are spot on. I'm not an idiot!

"You start shaking at the thought you are everything I want because you are everything I'm not."

Just Another Night Of Plastic Cup Politics

Tonight was amazing.
Today was amazing.
I can't and therefore won't complain.
I have a lot to say right now, however it is currently, 05:04 and I've been up since 07:30; so I think bed is on the cards.
Well, I'm already snuggled up in bed, lovely. But, sleep time, yes?
Today was all about Dan, Ben & Perry. Rad much?
I promise for a proper update tomorrow.



Goodnight. Lalala.

Dearest Enemy

Things are coming together pretty perfectly.
I forgot how good it feels to be totally contented.

"Dearest enemy, off of that you have just lost me along the way, somewhere between the fake smiles and your free drinks. Please don't smother me, I swear that I need some room to breathe. What with you all up, down and over me, you're not a name, you're just a face. It's contagious, so catch it. This love is dirtier than you think. Don't believe your eyes, believe your ears, trust me. This won't sink lower than you think. Don't believe your eyes, believe your ears, trust me."

Great Romances Of The 20th Century

A lot of people I care about are being very silly at the moment. I hate watching it. It genuinely hurts, because I care about them a lot.
But I don't expect people to listen. I learnt from my own mistakes. Who am I to say what's right and wrong?


"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."
-- Havelock Ellis





"Stand up and walk out of your history."
-- Phil McGraw

Remember; letting go shows nothing but strength.

One Girl Revolution ♥

Leonora in Wonderland.

That's me right now. It's not a bad thing.
I have been given so many chances & opportunities. Some small and some MASSIVE.
Sometimes it's hard to know what the right thing is to do; but I'm doing pretty well I think.
There are so many people in my life right now. And all of them are amazing. And all in very different ways. Some are old friends, some are new friends and some are my best friends.
Who's opportunities should I take? Which road should I walk down?
Should I walk or run or skip?
Mmm, I enjoy not knowing. It's slowly getting a little more exciting.



It's funny; I know exactly what I want right now. In an ideal world. I could tell you.
Every single detail. But I won't.
But right now it's not going to happen. This doesn't make me sad; because as much as I want it I'm not ready for it. I need this time that I'm having.
Right now everything I do if selfish. I say that, but I still go out of my way for my friends everyday, because they deserve it. Because they're amazing and should be happy.
And if I didn't have them what would I have?
None-the-less; I'm selfish and fickle right now. But it's about time. Time to enjoy it. Watching other people make the effort for once. I deserve this.
I don't really enjoy it to be honest, that's a bit of a lie. It's fun for a while. But I'm a giver; always will be. Until I get bored.
Frivolous.
I know I've said it before, but this will be my downfall. Sometimes it scares me because it doesn't matter right now. I'm young and have all my options open. If one road leads me somewhere I don't want to be, or I build myself a wall, I can chose another path.
But this won't be the case forever.
This reminds me of Pocahontas, "What I love most about rivers is; you can't step in the same river twice, the water's always changing, always flowing, but people, I guess, can't live like that. We all must pay a price, to be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing, what's around the river bend? I look once more..." That film is incredible. I adore it. I'm not a child.

If I am forever unfulfilled, then what?

Lately I've noticed I have a big influence on people around me. I don't know why I do. At least I don't know why I do more than others. I can't see anything that I do any differently or spectacularly. Yet people seem to notice. And it changes things.
I guess it's good.
I guess it's a compliment.
I guess it's something I could use to make a huge difference.
I want to make a difference to people. It's all I've ever wanted.
From learning from mistakes I made when I was young, I've become a good person young; young enough to potentially change things drastically. Genuinely. And I know if I bothered I could really do something with my life. To make a difference to people, maybe even the world one day. I worry that I won't live up to my potential sometimes.
Sometimes the pressure of it stops me. Sometimes it drives me.
I don't know what it will be yet; but I promise to do something. Even if I only help a handful of people, I'll know I made a difference to someone. My friends have experienced this so far. And so have a few other people.

"The future is held in the hands who write the texts books; ignorance is bred when falsified thinking it taught to the youth instead of past mistakes and mind elevation."


Today I've thought about the people that have come and gone in my life. I've known so many people.
I need lots and lots of photo's, because when I've lived long enough to only remember some people from photo's, I want to be able to remember them. I don't want to leave anyone behind; because everyone I've met has added something to my life; even if it was just a smile.



Oh and I don't do regrets.

"We had to try something different, we had to try something new. We had to make some heads turn, we had to put it to you."

Lalala (yeah, I have copyrighted that, for the SECOND time.)

Oh yeah, I've been enjoying getting reactions out of people lately; word of warning.
Making Tom Weeks my boyfriend on facebook was a prime example. Love that boy.

See you tomorrow lady's and gentlemen.

Angel and Princess are the sort of pet names I'd love to be called by someone who really thinks I am one. When they're said with true meaning I think it's beautiful.
Cute without the E. ♥

You & I

I give my all in everything I care about; my friends have experienced this first hand.

02/02/10
Hope, Dan, Nathan, Chlo & Michelle.♥

Little Black Butterflies Deep Inside Me

Amy Lushy Hardie.
I love her.
Shes beautiful and amazing and yummy.
She loves Pixie Lott



and I love her.
It's like a love traingle.
Shotgun.

Mwah. Lalala.

I'm Mr. Brightside

Okay, so now I am finally going to tell you about my amazing trip to Brighton, a few days late!! What a liability I am these days.

I went out on Friday night with Adam so didn't get home until late; at which point I felt it was essential to clean out my car in the snow with all my car doors open and my music on full blast! Amazing. I'm sure my neighbours appreciated it fully.
I then went inside and forced myself to sleep!
In the morning I rolled off the sofa and went and had a bath, lovely. Packed my things in a poor and rushed manner. Score. And then I went to pick up Emilee and Fay.
The road to Em's was lush and snowy and made me happy. I had my pink thermos full of tea which burnt my tongue a bit, ouchy, and music on and was just like, ahhhh bliss.
Once she hopped into my little car we went to get Fay from his, which proved tricky at times, but we managed it JUST FINE.
THEN WE WERE OFF!!
I liked the journey to Brighton because it starts out on the way to Bridport which is where my couisn used to live when we were little and it made me happy thinking about family trips and the pink castle-house. Amazing.
We listened to lots of music all the way there and talked lots about lots of things and had many many laughs, I love road trips, they're so so amaze.
We had to turn around a couple of times as reading directions and singing and talking and driving all at once can prove a little tricky at times! But I felt I pretty much rocked it the majority of the time. It was only when doing all that and trying to open my window and take of my hoody and denim jacket that it really proved a task most complex.
Managed it none the less!!
When we got to Brighton we decided we would go straight to the convention rather than drop of our stuff first as we didn't wanna go to late etc.
We found somewhere to park and then walked up to the racecourse. We could see the sea and it was lush. The whole journey felt like the first day of summer, it was amazing, sea, sun and friends; what more could I ask for?
We got our tickets and then head for the main building to start wondering around. All the artist there was so amazing, it was incredible to looks at all their work and watch people getting their ink. Every stand had cards and leaflest and stickers to give out and I ended up coming home with a bag full of them. Emilee got in the car and emptied out pockets and bags full of them ha!! It was such a rad experience; it was surreal seeing people have tattoo's in that kind of atmosphere; for us personally it made us realise how much we love Glory Bound in Exmouth and that we'd rather wait to get home to have something done; its not about rushing something like that. But it gave us a lot of inspiration to say the least. There was one artist in particular which I fell in love with; they were from Brighton and did some really beautiful, intricate paisley designs. I nearly got booked in with them but they didn't have time for a piece as big as the one I wanted anyway!
Once we'd looked around and had chats with different artists we decided to head into Brighton and get some very late lunch.
We found our way into town, finally found somewhere to park; JESUS £3.60 FOR AN HOUR. Is that some kind of joke? Daylight robbery! Anyway, then we walked through town until we found somewhere yummy to eat. We walked past a place called "The Arrogant Frog Brassarie" and I've never been so happy in my entire life; literally, what a name.
We ended up in Bella Italia and we had pizza and felt happy. Although we were all at that point where we were getting sleepy from all the travelling and stuff we'd been doing, so I took Em and Fay to Dan's and then found my way to B's.



We just chilled out for a few hours. It was nice. Sam was a B's as well which was rad as I see him basically never now they're both at uni. We chilled in her room and just caught up on stuff and talked about OUR HOUSE that we're getting in Brighton for next year and talking about uni ideas etc because basically, I have two options (hopefully) either Brighton or Sussex uni; either are good because I can live with B in Brighton and be a happy lady.
After a can of Relentless and a rest we got ready to go out. Sam got told what to wear by B, it was good fun.
We walked to Dan's house as it isn't very far from B's at all and chilled there with lots of people for a couple of hours or so. His house was properly trashed because he'd had a party the night before. The window was well and truly falling apart and there were drawings all over the walls which I'm prety sure were done with crayons and therefore could be passed as kids drawings?
I got put in charge of the music, but the ipod I was equipped with was an automatic setback, however I feel I pulled it off with what I had available to me!
Miss Hope called me as she was a sad bunny and I was extremely sad because I couldn't do anything to make it better being like 200 odd miles away. But I tried anyway, by sending ridiculous texts every so often.
Me and B got a bit excited playing with the DSi and were just sat there in hysterics while everyone else just ignored us! We felt this was fine and continued.





Sometime after midnight we left Dan's to get the night bus.
The night bus; wow. Why is it that late night bus journey's are always SO ridiculous?
Fay, Dan, B, Sam and Em were all a little drunk by now I'm sure and were all coming out with fair amounts of crap. Oh thing was more amusing to us than anything else though. Fay came out with a line that even to this day we're unsure of... I'm almost adimant it was "swaying like a raper" however, sam heard it as "sweating like a rapist" I think and B got "sweating like a rayburn" all of which are ridiculous things to say. Fay was too gone by this point to even remember what he had said. It was amusing.
When we got close to our stop we all went downstairs (oh yeah, failed to mention it was a double decker) and waited by the door. Unfortunately I managed to let go of the hand rail at the perfect time to go flying forwards, lucky for me Sam protected me and came out with some line which made him sound like a cheesy super hero. Win?
It was most appreciated by all.
We walked to Tav Pav (?) and queued only to find that Fay had forgotten his ID and therefore we had to find somewhere which didnt ID which can be tricky on a Saturday night, then again, Fay is clearly not underage with his MASSIVE beard etc. Anyhow, found another pub which was open until 3am and went into there. From the outside it didnt look like anything special however it was actually awesome! There was a DJ and a little dance area and was full of happy drunk people, most of which looked over 25. B and I came to the conclusion that they were wondering what we were doing there as "students don't come out on the weekend, they're too cheap" ha. Our bad. Sorry we didnt conform to society's beliefs. I'm not even a student so I'm over it!
There was a really cute barman there who had a rad mohawk and amaze tattoo's and he was so cute and had his lip pierced. He always made a point of serving me at the bar and it transpired (I found, after a conversation with another barmaid who served me before he got the chance) that he "liked me" haha. I gave him a cheeky wink and enjoyed the chemistry we had from across the bar throughout the night. Random things like that which only last a night are good, clean fun.
And then out of nowhere we saw Brownie (my tattoo artsist from Exmouth) which was the weirdest thing, of all the pubs in brighton he was in this random little pub!? So we all went over to have a chat which was pretty damn painful because we'd ALL been tattooed by him and it just seemed so, bleurghhhh ha, can't even think of the right word for it. Ask B, she totally agreed. It was basically pretty cringe. Anyway, as the night went on I bumped into him every now and then, he bought me a drink and we had a cheeky dance. Was cool to see him. We had a chat about my next two pieces and I got VERY excited.
Earlier on in the night some random guy came up to me and B and whispered something in my ear, I didn't get it at first but it transpired to be "Are you a copper? My mate says you're a copper." which apparently is a chat up line in Brighton..? I turned around and politely explained that I was not a "copper". Later on he came back and said "Sorry for that awful chat up line." and I explained that he needed to work on it, pretty desperately! And he then explained he was a police man and that (*points*) is his Sargent. Nice.
At one point Sam put his arms around me and B and proudly announced that we are his "VERY GOOD FRIENDS" which came as a delight to B after their three years of relationship (ha!!) it was too funny. He tried to get himself out of that one afterwards but it was far too late for that. Hahaha.
As it got closer to 3 Fay kept falling asleep on the sofa which was frowned upon by the bouncers who kept saying if he fell asleep they'd kick him out. So Sam, B, Dan and I tried to keep him entertained so he wouldnt tfall asleep.
Sam put it perfectly, "Fay is literally like a giant baby." You literally have to keep him entertained constantly or he just falls asleep and is a complete liability once alone haha.
We went and got disgusting greasy fast food before we left and then headed for the queue for the taxi. We lost Fay and Dan who we believe went back to Dan's before Fay passed out on the Pier. Poor Em got left behind. We dropped her off on the way to B's and then made my bed and fell asleep.
Oh yeah, and at some point me and B took photo's in the pub toilets like the classy birds we are.



I woke up pretty early which was weird but I think it'd because I was SO cold. I went for a shower and then got ready to go out in Brighton for the day.
Sam didn't want to move so stayed at B's while we went into town. It was really nice, we walked to the bus station where we saw some guy with bright green hair go into a bookies. We genuinely thought it was like a hat or something at first it was that green; but no, alas, it was his hair. Something for Miss Hope to consider maybe?
We got into town and went for lunch at Pret. Yummy.
Then we went around the shops and just chilled. It was nice to see that part of Brighton. I like it. I could happily see myself living there.
On the way home we sat at the top of the bus at the very front and a man and his two kids were the opposite side from us. One of them just SCREAMED half way through every sentence B tried to get out which was funny for a while. And the other sang a song which had one lyric repeated over and over "Bubblier, bubblier, bubblier" etc. It was pretty funny, but when B and I joined in the child stared at us in disgust. Maybe we need practice or something?
We stopped at a red light and saw two of our friends from home standing outside of a pub, it was really surreal and painfull awkward as once they saw us we waved, but after that there's not much you can do from the top of a bus, so it was just like, ohh heyyy. ermmm. yeah. Ha. Just sat there praying for the light to go green. When I got back I went up to B's room to say buy to Sam and make sure I had all my stuff and then went to pick up Em and Fay.
We drove home a different way from the one we came, but this was good as this way was more motorway based and therefore getting lost was harder.
Em slept a bit and Fay listened to his music in the back while I just sang horrifically in the front.
I stopped at Fleet services on the way which made me happy. I love Fleet services. Mmmm, road trips.
I got a can of Relentless and a can of Monster. Yummm. Oh and a massive packet of Quavers.
We went straight to Exeter to pick up Miss Hope and then I dropped them at home. Hope and I came home and dyed my hair dark again.

I love it.
I had an amazing time.
Brighton is amazing.
My friends are amazing.
Tattoo's are amazing.
Everything is just amazing.



Lalalala.

Once Upon A Time

...there was a little girl who loved tea. She loved tea so much that she drank 50 cups a day. She would make her slave girl Miss Hope make the tea (in a very specific and magical way) and bring it up to her in her room. The little girl would sit in her pink silky sheets, playing rayman and sipping on tea all day long. And when she was finished with her cup of tea she would put the empty cup on the floor and play rayman until Miss Hope brought up the next cup of warm yumminess. Not long after her room became so full of empty tea mugs and cups and saucers that they all MUTATED into one GIANT mug that filled the entire room!!

...The little girl and all her beautiful pink possessions became squashed up against the purple wallpaper that lined the room. But the little girl didn't care. She loved the tea, and therefore loved the giant mug.
When Miss Hope came up with cup of tea number 43 of the day she opened the door to see this bizarre but beautiful mutation. She ran downstairs and told Mummy Tea who was furious, as she had told the little girl not to leave all the cups in the middle of the room.
She grabbed a massive axe from the garage, raged up the stairs and SMASHED the giant mug.
That was the end of the giant mug as we know it.
The little girl cried.

...she can only hope that if she makes Miss Hope bring her enough tea, she will again be reunited with the giant mug. This time people will understand, and the giant mug will live a long and prosperous life.

The End.