That's me right now. It's not a bad thing.
I have been given so many chances & opportunities. Some small and some MASSIVE.
Sometimes it's hard to know what the right thing is to do; but I'm doing pretty well I think.
There are so many people in my life right now. And all of them are amazing. And all in very different ways. Some are old friends, some are new friends and some are my best friends.
Who's opportunities should I take? Which road should I walk down?
Should I walk or run or skip?
Mmm, I enjoy not knowing. It's slowly getting a little more exciting.
It's funny; I know exactly what I want right now. In an ideal world. I could tell you.
Every single detail. But I won't.
But right now it's not going to happen. This doesn't make me sad; because as much as I want it I'm not ready for it. I need this time that I'm having.
Right now everything I do if selfish. I say that, but I still go out of my way for my friends everyday, because they deserve it. Because they're amazing and should be happy.
And if I didn't have them what would I have?
None-the-less; I'm selfish and fickle right now. But it's about time. Time to enjoy it. Watching other people make the effort for once. I deserve this.
I don't really enjoy it to be honest, that's a bit of a lie. It's fun for a while. But I'm a giver; always will be. Until I get bored.
Frivolous.
I know I've said it before, but this will be my downfall. Sometimes it scares me because it doesn't matter right now. I'm young and have all my options open. If one road leads me somewhere I don't want to be, or I build myself a wall, I can chose another path.
But this won't be the case forever.
This reminds me of Pocahontas, "What I love most about rivers is; you can't step in the same river twice, the water's always changing, always flowing, but people, I guess, can't live like that. We all must pay a price, to be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing, what's around the river bend? I look once more..." That film is incredible. I adore it. I'm not a child.
If I am forever unfulfilled, then what?
Lately I've noticed I have a big influence on people around me. I don't know why I do. At least I don't know why I do more than others. I can't see anything that I do any differently or spectacularly. Yet people seem to notice. And it changes things.
I guess it's good.
I guess it's a compliment.
I guess it's something I could use to make a huge difference.
I want to make a difference to people. It's all I've ever wanted.
From learning from mistakes I made when I was young, I've become a good person young; young enough to potentially change things drastically. Genuinely. And I know if I bothered I could really do something with my life. To make a difference to people, maybe even the world one day. I worry that I won't live up to my potential sometimes.
Sometimes the pressure of it stops me. Sometimes it drives me.
I don't know what it will be yet; but I promise to do something. Even if I only help a handful of people, I'll know I made a difference to someone. My friends have experienced this so far. And so have a few other people.
"The future is held in the hands who write the texts books; ignorance is bred when falsified thinking it taught to the youth instead of past mistakes and mind elevation."
Today I've thought about the people that have come and gone in my life. I've known so many people.
I need lots and lots of photo's, because when I've lived long enough to only remember some people from photo's, I want to be able to remember them. I don't want to leave anyone behind; because everyone I've met has added something to my life; even if it was just a smile.
Oh and I don't do regrets.
"We had to try something different, we had to try something new. We had to make some heads turn, we had to put it to you."
Lalala (yeah, I have copyrighted that, for the SECOND time.)
Oh yeah, I've been enjoying getting reactions out of people lately; word of warning.
Making Tom Weeks my boyfriend on facebook was a prime example. Love that boy.
See you tomorrow lady's and gentlemen.
Angel and Princess are the sort of pet names I'd love to be called by someone who really thinks I am one. When they're said with true meaning I think it's beautiful.
Cute without the E. ♥
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