Gentlemen Don't Ask Questions. We Could Pay Attention

Do you ever just feel like you have to question everything?
I question everything. But not publicly. I ask myself. Well I don't really think I'm asking me. I'm more contemplating. Deciding. Analysing I guess.
And I always draw a conclusion.
I'm usually right. If you know me well enough then you know; despite how annoying it is, this is true.
I just have a way with some things.
I'm rational, thorough and in no way concise.

I've changed so much over the past three years, but most of the important things have stayed consistent throughout.
Today I was looking at my old myspace "about me's". It was really strange.
I didn't know how to feel about it.
It reminded me of things I had totally forgotten about, reminded me of aspects of my personality that are now long gone. But it also refreshed my faith that I'm still the same good person I always was.
Deep down nothing's changed.
Material things change.
My morals and values will never change.
Moral fibre.

In every single about me I state "Life's too short to blend in." I will stand by this forever.
I don't blend in. I refuse to, I never will.
I mean this for every aspect of my life. I don't want to be like a single other person.
I am Leonora Hitchcock. And you'll never know what that means. Because it's a mess.
But a beautiful mess that I enjoy being.
Being different isn't a bad thing.
Try telling that to highschool girls.. gahh, I despise who I was in high school.

"Magnificently unprepared for the long littleness of life."

When I was 16 I was very honest, that's when I changed. And became the first of the person I am now. Reading the things I said cut me up when I read them. I am still just as honest, but I don't share things that don't need to be shared.
Sometimes I think when I was 16 I thought I would live forever, because now a lot of the things I keep to myself are for self preservation.
But when you're that age it's better to be honest than what most teenage girls are.
I don't regret it, and nothing bad came from it, if anything only good came from it.
"I don't like being messed around. I like to know where I stand, brutal honesty please." This still stands. 100%.
If you lie or hide things from me you can do one. I don't have patience for games or drama.
I am such a complicated person, and I love that. I adore it. And I know how I feel about anything that matters. It's just, people will never know anything about me.
One thing that is predominant throughout the things I've written over the last 3 years is how important my friends are to me.
I think this is when I truly learnt the true value of friendship.
This is something I will never forget.

"If you think you're free, there is no escape possible."
I fight both sides of this argument often. One of the few things that I am unsure of.
I'm not free. But I don't believe in determinism either.
I'll figure it out.

I used to be excited about going to university. Now I'm just excited about running away from everything. It's like a parallel universe. I didn't care where I was last year. I wanted to be close to home.
Now I just want to run.
And do whatever I end up doing.

"I am ridiculously over dramatic; you'll either love it or you'll hate it. Either way, I don't really care"
After a couple of years, this definitely became my approach.
As I settled into who I am, I became far more confident.
I love who I've become and the things I believe in. They're far more respectable and worth while than most of the people around here, but some people can't handle who I am.
I'm just too much. But I'm okay with that.
I think one of the things people can't understand is how loud I am, but how nice I actually am. People think it's fake.
I'm not fake. I'm not make-believe.
I just found myself a helluva lot earlier than everyone else.
But I definitely got more full on with it. If people don't like me that's fine. In fact I love it.
It gives me something to analyse and work on.
But I also couldn't care less. Everyone is due their own opinion and I would never deny a person of this. Embrace it.
The ironic thing is, when given the chance, I have never failed to prove a person wrong who thinks badly of me. Few can say that.
I definitely developed my likes and my dislikes and my routines.
I'm horribly OCD and do like to get my own way. Most people would deny this. But EVERYONE wants they're own way. Of course they do. But unlike a lot I would never lie or manipulate to get it. And if I don't it isn't the end of the world.
I think the only person who has ever had to suffer the wrath of me being selfish is my mum. And I'd like to say that that is well and truly in the past. But realistically I think you'd have to ask her that if you wanted a real answer.

ROMANCE ME.
Those two words have lined my lips for longer than I can remember.
Something that I will always believe in.
Romance is pure. But rare.
To me, it is as vital as the blood that runs through my veins. Disgustingly cliche? Probably. But unlike most people who claim to love romance, I need it in every aspect of my life.
You don't even know the meaning of it.
Words can't even begin to get to the point. So I won't attempt it either.
I never used to believe I deserved anything worthwhile. You get what you deserve. That's always the way I felt. And then, for a short while I kid myself that I did deserve something totally beautiful. But in the last 1o months I have learned, deservedness doesn't even come into it.
It's all bollocks. And you don't get what you put in. That I can tell you for sure.
I don't think I'll ever have it, because I expect far too much.
But at least I know this now.
I'm not a foolish 14 year old who thinks we're all going to end up like the couple in the notebook. Beautiful as it is.
I have always claimed "flattery will get you everywhere" but what people have always failed to see is that I'm not referring to myself.
...but most of society, this is true. You just have to know which aspects of a person to target. Then you're in. People are fickle. People are artificial. People have no real sense of self anymore.
Everyone needs reassuring now and then, but we've ruined our culture. EVERYONE needs reassuring now, no one is completely content anymore.
It's all about reading people and then... you're in.
"For a reason unknown, romance is horrifically important to me..." - see, nothing has changed.
"...it kind of sucks."

I'm blessed.
"Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself. Create." I started creating myself 2 years and 7 months ago. I'll continue. But I'm definitely on the right track. I decided on that day that I want to change the world one day, because I'm not happy with the way it is.
Don't sit around and wait for you to grow out of pathetic drama, it won't happen. Realisation. Then, get the fuck on with it. Sort YOURSELF out, because, trust me... no one else is going to do it for you.

"One day there was a girl, who cried tears of pearls. And her eyes were blue and green like none Ive ever seen. And she met a man that night, who filled her with delight, and he spoke in poetry and rhyme and she loved him in those times. But he changed."

Everything changes. Protect yourself. No one else will. Even if they want to.
Inconvenient truth.

"So then this lonely girl had had enough of her world, so she climbed to the top of the tallest tower. And stood there for way over an hour until she decided she'd jump so she jumped with a very loud thump and all of the neighbours they came out and cried when they discovered that this poor girl had died. And the boy just stood there and gasped at this beauty asleep on the grass, her eyes were like none he had seen except for the girls in his dreams. And then he changed. And soon he became, depressed and very very strange and he locked himself away for days and play songs that were blue and songs that were grey, songs that reminded him of that day. One day there was a girl who fell in love with a boy in another world, she speaks to him at night, only in a certain light. She wore white when he wore black and they were like a perfect match and though one was dead and one was alive, through many years their love did survive until time faded and soon they became both exactly the same. And they both are floating in the sky, singing their own lullaby. A song reminds them of a past time, a song that reminds them of a past day. A song that is blue, a song that is grey."