And Since I Fell For That Spell I Am Living There Aswell

So, I've always had this thing, that I am a little like Alice, lost in Wonderland. And then the new Alice in Wonderland movie came out and I moved away from it a little as I don't like to be one of those girls that like clings on to weird and wonderful movies. That's never what it has meant from me.
I'm talking about the book, and yeah the Disney played a bit part in my childhood. But really, it's the metaphor behind it.
It's amazing.
Lately I've been wondering if I'm still in that place, still lost in Wonderland, or if I'm more lost than ever.
It's hard to say, I'm kind of aimlessly wondering.
Is this all just going to end up falling apart, aimless and hopeless?
IT'S ALL NONSENSE.
The idea of being found is scary though, if I'm lost then, in a weird way, I'm safe. Gah, this is twisted logic, it doesn't make much sense. But if you're alone, and you're lost, then you only depend on you, and you get used to being lost. It's almost settling.
And like Alice, you meet weird and wonderful (good and bad) people on the way, but you don't have to stick around for tea and cake if you don't want to!!!
Ha, oh my god I'm talking crap.
I wonder sometimes, when I put my philosophy hat on, how much is real, what really counts...
How do you prove you exist?

I'm sat in my room in darkness basically, which is really weird, but I've just been here since it was light, that now it's dark. My window is opposite me and when I look outside I see a few rooftops and then the moon. It looks huge tonight. It looks full. I don't think it quite is, but I'm not the person to ask on these things. Full or not, my God, it's beautiful. I want to put a top hat on it and give it a big smile and run away into wonderland.

I've been listening to some really nice chilled music lately. Just nice acoustics and things; it's nice but it definitely gets me thinking about things.
Time is short.
There is nothing I can do about this.
This is hard.
Maybe time only seems to pass but doesn't? Like a dream.
I feel like that sometimes, but then I look back to when I was small... my first memories. Time has surely passed.
Maybe I'll wake up and this will all have been a beautiful dream; a mistake. A beautiful one.
That wouldn't be so bad really.
Well, I suppose that depends on what I would be waking up to?

"Those who are dead are not dead, they're just living in my head. And since I fell for that spell I am living there as well. Time is so short and I'm sure, there must be something more."