If you know me but at all you will know how very unlike me this is.
My only conclusion is that I have exhausted myself with everything that I have to remember and keep up with at the moment. Exhausted from looking forward no doubt.
Exhausted at least.
I had so much sleep that when I woke up I didn't want to get up. I hate that.
When I woke up I had a moment of panic where I thought I was somewhere else and I did not like it.
This scares me all things considered, I'm soon to be there.
But, come what may.
I worked hard today, and people benefited from this. I like this.
As mind numbing as my job sometimes seems, I do help people, and this I like.
I was browsing post secrets, I think it's really interesting. I think I will make one soon and see if it goes on the website.
I liked this one.
Found something I didn't really want to see today, but then again, I shouldn't have been looking, then I wouldn't have found it.
I hate that. But it wasn't what I was expecting to find.
Most people are messy.
Today at work I got some love hearts in a special EDF box and they made me happy. Four individual little packets. They were cute and reminded me how amazing the company I work for is. I'm lucky.
Things are weird at the moment. I'm so in between things. It's totally bizarre. It reminds me of The Middle by Jimmy Eat World.
"It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride, everything will be just fine. Everything will be alright."
I adore this song, it got me through some hard times.
And will continue to, because the way I see it, when things are bad or upside down, they're not over.
I've refused to listen to Jimmy Eat World for a little while. You know the way some songs/albums/artists remind you of things you don't want to remember? I hate that..
But after a while it passes.
I hate being uncertain and I hate being stuck and I hate being powerless and argh, I hate a lot of things.
I hate being me sometimes. Because I'm terrified I'll do what I always do and f*ck things up just to protect myself.
I refuse. I just need to man up.
I am happy right now. I will continue to be happy and nothing will change this.
I need to get my act together. I haven't eaten, I've only had one cup of tea since I got home which is unheard of and I haven't painted my nails which I promised myself I would do two days ago.
I also have all that unimportant stuff to do... you know, student finance & other university stuff! Brilliant.
I've never been one for procrastination. What is this?
So my plan of action; tea, nails, finance, film, bed. Beautiful.
I need a change.
Change of style.
Change of hair.
Change of place.
Change of people. (not all of the people.)
Change of heart.
NEXTTTTT!!!!
I need my girls. I need Rosie Marchant and Bryony Hatherley.
(There are a few others I hold close to my heart, but these girls have been with me for as long as I can remember. That stands for everything.)
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